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I’m your Host Epikliz
How to Heal from Past Hurts that Hold You Back!
“The way to heal from hurt is not to ignore or act oblivious to the fact that you’ve been hurt. In fact you should talk about your hurts in order to heal.”
Hey guys, it is I Epikliz and today I wanted to share my thoughts on the oppressive society in which we live. I know I keep mentioning it in my blogs and I never seem to have enough time to get into it. I think it is important however to define what I mean when I talk about it and what I have done to keep my head above the water so as not to get swamped by the negatives around me as I strive to live my best life.
If you remember well, I described myself in my very first blog by several very well thought out pointers because I understand that even though that may not be who I am it is what the capitalist society uses(d) to determine how much access I get to resource at this time in history. I would have said I am mixed heritage which is significant because it means I am a member of the people of the global majority who by nature of the amount of melanin we have in our skin are denied access to resource. Yes, I am talking about racism. I also am a non-User meaning a person from a “developing” country which is another factor in my ability to access resource. I am a woman and by virtue of being a woman I have yet again another “good reason” for the oppressive society to deny me resource and of course I am a parent- single parent to be exact and as a parent we are not only denied adequate access to resource we are expected to build the society one child at a time with little or no support or regard for what it takes. This of course is by and large one of the MOST important jobs in the universe, but we are expected to sign up without pay! I am from a working-class family which means I live a life where I am often just making barely enough money to pay bills and take care of my family and well, I managed to get a good education, so I can speak “the Queen’s English” … Oh snap!… I almost forgot that I live in a post-colonial society where we were taught that we are inferior to the colonizers and even though they have left our shores we still live with the mentality that we are not as equipped to manage ourselves because we just are not smart enough.
Now, why is it important to look at these things you may ask. I will say because if you are interested in making a change – any change- you need to understand the dynamics that are at play. These “identities” are like invisible threads that hold us back from being who we are meant to be and finding our purpose in life. Unless we know what brought us to wherever we are it will be almost impossible to reclaim our full selves and figure out how to turn things around and get to where we ought to be for the benefit of all.
I mentioned in a previous blog how useful it is to have someone listen to us whilst we look at the places where we got hurt. Apparently, all the ways that the society has oppressed you are direct indicators of where your hurts lie. Fortunately, you are not alone because anyone who identifies themselves as a member of any group of which you are a member would have been likely to experience the same collective hurts that you did. It is always a good idea to share your thoughts and experiences with another interested delighted intelligent mind to have a safe place to release ourselves from these hurts.
How do you know you are healing? There are some clear outward signs, kind of like Key Performance Indicators, that let us know that something is going on inside of us that will help us to function better. These include but are not limited to tears, shaking, angry noises, cold sweating and yawning to name a few. Once you have had someone listen to you well you will be able to release the emotions tied to the hurt and free up some headspace so that you can keep going again.
I encourage you to explore this some more by checking out this link https://bridges2understanding.com/parent-to-parent-listening-guidelines-by-hand-in-hand/ where you can get a chance to review for yourself how to make this work for you. This link is primarily for parents, but the concept is the same and any two people can decide to use the method to help themselves to function better. Tell your story and see how it frees your mind.
OMG, I cannot believe how quicky time flies when you are having fun blogging. I must go now until next time but in case you do not have time to check out the link just try this;
- Find someone who is willing to divide ten minutes of time with you where each of you has five minutes.
- Set five minutes on a timer and start.
- One person must listen quietly with delighted attention whilst the other talks.
- If you do not know what to talk about tell your life story
- At the end of your time swap roles and reset the timer and have the other person talk whilst the first listens.
- Try to listen without prejudice to your chosen partner and instruct him/her to do the same
- Yaayyy you have completed your first peer counseling session
I would love you to write me back and let me know what it was like for you so we can explore it some more. Good luck and I look forward to all your comments on the topic. Chaito from Epikliz. Have an awesome week!“Come close show me your heart let us heal together”.